Become a Ball of sports weirdness
The 2017 game yr can be summed up via what took place on the afternoon of Aug. 21. Millions of Americans stopped what they had been doing and placed on solar glasses to defend themselves. LaVar Ball. Or was it Colin Kaepernick? Robert E. Lee? Flying particles from the NFL fall apart?
The 2017 campaign will largely be remembered as the 12 months sports activities news jumped the shark. Blame it on politics or the Internet or Ball, who trolled his manner to sports Kardashian repute. Or, in Jim McElwain’s case, jumped at the shark. Whatever the cause, it had become hard to tell made-up faux information from actual faux information.
To help you, we’ve put an asterisk after genuine activities. The relaxation has been confirmed as authentic by CNN.
Serena Williams, a 35-year-vintage who’s 8 weeks pregnant, wins the Australian Open.* LaVar Ball claims that he became 12 weeks pregnant whilst he beat Michael Jordan in a sport of 1-on-one.
A touchdown skip is ruled incomplete in an NFL playoff sport because the receiver didn’t depend on ten before handing it to the referee with each palm.
Lady Gaga descends from the outlet in NRG Stadium to begin her Super Bowl overall performance, loosening the metallic beams and causing the roof to cave in on the Falcons within the 2d half.
Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway announced that “The Bad News Bears Go to Japan” has gained the Academy Award for Best Picture in an embarrassing snafu.
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As 9,434 fans cheer Tim Tebow’s arrival at spring training, critics claim his baseball test an entire disaster.* Jerry Jones is accused of sexual harassment on the NFL Combine when he asks a prospect what his hand length is.
After some beers, Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jokes that he’ll retire if he doesn’t win greater races than Danica Patrick in 2017. Kaká pulls a ceremonial hamstring to commemorate the grand opening of Orlando City Stadium. He is right away put on the disabled listing until 2019.
As a part of his 500-12 months rebuilding plan, Magic GM Rob Hennigan trades Nikola Vucevic, Evan Fournier, and Disney World to Memphis for a Graceland T-blouse.
In an embarrassing snafu, Roger Goodell publicizes the Cleveland Browns have selected Warren Beatty with the first selection of the 2017 NFL Draft.
A United Airlines passenger in Chicago is going berserk and is dragged from his seat after being instructed he is being re-routed to Orlando to look at a Magic sport.
The International Olympic Committee launches a PED investigation after a Russian ski jumper arrives in Moscow and lands in Belgrade.
A picture surfaces displaying Florida teach Jim McElwain naked on top of a shark. A defiant McElwain tells newshounds it’s far really an image of his lengthy misplaced brother, Harvey Weinstein.
In an attempt to reassure prospective NFL employers, Colin Kaepernick’s agent declares his customer will stand for the Cuban national anthem.
After generating sellout crowds all through the South Atlantic League and hitting a game-prevailing homer, critics say Tim Tebow is destroying baseball as we realize it.
In an embarrassing snafu, the Nevada Parole Board declares O.J. Simpson has been released from jail.* Golden State wins the NBA Finals after Cleveland shield Kyrie Irving demands to be traded to the Warriors at halftime of Game 1.
Ringling Bros. And Barnum & Bailey Circus level its final performance. The Cleveland Browns right away declare three clowns and a rubber chook in the dispersal draft.
Thirty-5-yr-antique Roger Federer wins Wimbledon despite being 8 weeks pregnant. The President of the USA tweets a WWE video of himself beating up a determine with a CNN logo superimposed over its face.*
The lots-predicted race among Michael Phelps and a laptop-generated shark is deemed suspect after CNN reports the shark skilled with the Russian swim group. Despite years of promises, Republicans within the U.S. Senate failed to repeal and replace the NFL’s seize rule.
Browns rookie quarterback Warren Beatty throws three interceptions in his first preseason recreation. Floyd Mayweather is paid $100 million to come out of retirement and fight a man who’d by no means been in a professional boxing match.* Fearing viewers might confuse it for the Confederate TV Network, ESPN lays off any employee named “Robert,” “E,” or “Lee.”
Realizing the media will glom onto his every phrase, LaVar Ball produces a few shoes in his garage, calls them “Big Ballers,” and pronounces he is selling them for $495 a couple.* Hurricane Irma slams into the nation, slicing off energy to UF’s and FSU’s offenses for the rest of the season.* ESPN lets in Lee Corso lower back on “College GameDay “after the adjustments his name to “Caitlyn.”
After gamers take a knee during the countrywide anthem, Vice President Mike Pence leaves an Indianapolis game early whilst he realizes Peyton Manning is not the Colts’ quarterback. Gainesville suffers a heartbreaking loss whilst Tom Petty is called to Rock & Roll Heaven.*
Disney dissolves its sports activities cable organization while historians discover the entire name of the Confederate fashionable turned into “Robert ESPN Lee.” Jim McElwain resigns after admitting the loss of life threats he supposedly acquired got here from a pc-generated shark.
Flanked by lawyer Gloria Allred, a filly holds a press convention before the Breeders’ Cup and tearfully claims that male jockeys habitually touched her hindquarters.
In mid-November, FAU has more wins than FSU and UF combined.* In mid-November, MyPillow infomercials have higher TV scores than “Thursday Night Football.” Roger Goodell blames international warming.
Danica Patrick retires from NASCAR after racking up 0 wins and $2.4 billion in endorsements. Texas A&M offers Jimbo Fisher $75 million to whinge for the following 10 years that its soccer facilities aren’t as top as Clemson’s.
FSU’s eligibility for the Independence Bowl is called into query whilst officials find out eighty-four percent of Delaware State’s roster has by no means performed soccer. Sports Illustrated names Colin Kaepernick “Sportsman of the Year.”*
The College Football Playoff committee guidelines that UCF does not qualify for the playoffs because it did not play Delaware State. Michael Jordan beats LaVar Ball 20-zero in a sport of one-on-one in a Loser Leaves Sports showdown.